Rise and Fall of a Burro

I'm Edmond. Up until yesterday, I was living high in the rafters of the local Wal Mart store. It was an OK life, a bit crowded next to the Spongebob pinata and all the party balloons, but I had a great view and lots of attention. Then yesterday a wonderful person came along, took me down from my perch and showered me with attention. First, she filled me with sweet, delicious candy from the tips of my hooves to the top of my back. Then she dressed me in a lovely hat and let me stay in her warm, toasty room for the night. She even gave me my name, which I have to say sounds very macho. Then came today.
I was unceremoniously smooshed into the back of a minivan, carted off to a lovely park and once again hoisted into the air. What a beautiful view! I wasn't sure why the children all stood around with sticks and a gleam in their eye, but I wasn't worried. I was too high to be alarmed and I could see the entire park from in that tree. Then the mean man dropped me low and the beatings began. Oh, the agony! Those evil people took turns thwacking my hide until I couldn't take the torture anymore and exploded onto the ground. The sweet candy I'd devoured just the night before went crashing to the ground and those hordes of people ignored my dismembered state to snatch up the goods.
As if I hadn't been humiliated enough, they saw fit to take my disembodied head and prance around as if I were a hat. Oh, the shame. At least the two centers of attention seemed to be enjoying themselves, carving up a cake and serving it, and opening many gifts. Many friends were in attendance, making for happy times. I can hardly believe two friends would have their birthdays so close together and Sweet 16 is quite a day to celebrate. I just hope they remember me sometimes, their dear, sweet Edmond, who gave his life for their celebration.