Trick or Treat

I'm quite proud of my little cheetah. I think she was a leopard, but who am I to say? It's her costume. Katy was at ball practice until all the festivities were over, so she missed out. Shona was quite the little charmer all evening. I'm so proud to say that she thanked everyone of the people she trick-or-treated. Well, all but one, but she did tell him to have a wonderful Halloween. I swear this girl should be a politician. She just lights up a room. I think by the time she's grown, there will be a picture of her under "outgoing" in the dictionary. I do know without a doubt that she did not get that from her mother. I wish I could have a tenth of her spirit.

So Felicia's posting about her father passing has me in a melancholy mood. I have to agree to hold your parents dear as long as you can because you just never know when or how you will lose them. My best friend lost her mother in a car accident this summer. This lady was my high school teacher, a wonderful person, and she had retired after 30+ years of teaching just a few months before she died. She never got to see the grandchild born today and I know she would have been over the moon with happiness. That death shocked me.

There are other ways to lose a parent, and sometimes I think it is more painful to lose them mentally rather than physically. It's so painful to spend time with my mother and it feels like a cruel joke being in her presence. She looks like my mother, she talks with my mother's voice, but as I told Katy a few years ago, the person who was my mother exited a long time ago. I'm not sure how or why, but she's lost to me forever and spending time with the shell of a human left behind is increasingly uncomfortable and painful. Though I and my brother and sister have all very strongly considered cutting her out of our lives for a plethora of reasons (it's a very long story), we all feel responsible for her in whatever state she is in, even if you can't carry on a conversation with her or even feel like she's anyone you remotely know. I have a hard time letting the kids see her, but I think it's worse on Katy than Shona. Shona has never known any other way for her grandma to be, but Katy remembers and Katy misses her grandma, too. Me? I just miss one of my closest friends, which is what she was before she went off the deep end. I could talk to her about anything. I could call her at 2 a.m. for any reason, just to talk. I could depend on her for anything in the world. Now I don't even know her, literally. I guess the moral of the story is to treasure your parents while you can.
Now that's some holiday cheer. On to brighter things. Happy November!